Well hello there! Thank you so much for clicking on my new story. If you’re completely lost please go read this blog — https://butterflyfingers.com/2018/08/21/new-story-summary-of-chocolate-chip-cookies-and-pink-nails-writing-corner/ —
You can find the previous chapter here — https://butterflyfingers.com/2019/01/06/chocolate-chip-cookies-and-pink-nails-chapter-twenty-writing-corner/ —
The Future Of My Coming Of Age Story: Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails
I can’t believe this story is over. When I started this story I was in a very strange time in my life. I just shared my news about my past and overall I was in a fragile state of mind more than half of the time. While feeling so open and raw, I learned so much about myself. I fought every single day and now, months later, I can say that it was worth it. Every bit of pain that I felt after telling the world I was abused was worth it. Because I was able to move on from that pain. Truly begin to heal. This story helped in ways I can’t even begin to put in words. It’s almost humorous, that as a writer, the words are lost upon me. I started this story because I wanted to write some happy go lucky, rainbow and sunshine story, but as time passed. The story just grew along with me. I realized something very important. Without suffering and pain, there isn’t happiness and bliss. You need the other one as into scale the level of what you’re feeling. Okay, that didn’t make much sense. Like I said, the right words when it comes to this story is lost on me. But it comes down to one thing. I wanted to do more. I wanted to write my story inside my story.
For years now I’ve tried to write my story, my past but I always got so stuck. It was too much. Just after I started this story I stumbled onto a quote and it has stuck with me. “It’s so important to turn your sadness into art. Use every ounce of your pain, don’t let it go to waste.” by Gabbie Hanna. Quite naturally, this story morphed into my outlet. My own way to write about my experiences with certain things without well writing my biography. Some of the themes in this story are inspired by events in my life. It still has its own life don’t get me wrong but a bit of my soul is in this story.
It would be irresponsible of me to not talk about Zack’s suicide in the last chapter. I take suicide very seriously. When I was fifteen, I wanted to commit suicide. I can remember the day I decided to vividly. I don’t think I will ever forget that moment. What I felt. What was going through my head at that moment… I was in English class. It was the middle of the day and it was just another day. Nothing big happened the night before nor was there any big stressor recently. We were reading Shakespeare and I was dozing off. I don’t know where the thought came from but suddenly the thought of going home, drinking his sleeping pills and just letting go popped into my head. It was an overwhelming burst of energy and the sense of relief I felt…looking back now I’m sad. I mourn for that young girl who thought the only way she was going to survive her pain was by ending it all. The rest of the school day I was happy. I was just so happy because I knew when I got home it was all going to be over. I wouldn’t have to fake a smile and hope that things don’t get worse. I got home and went through my normal routine. I made instant noodles and ate it while watching my usual show. I then went upstairs, took off my school clothes and unpacked my school bag. I was just going through the motions really. I climbed on my bed and just stared at the ceiling. I wasn’t really thinking about anything at that moment. I was at peace. My phone beeped and it was a message from my dad. It was just another one of those jokes or things that he still sends through. At that moment I kind of snapped out of the haze. I took me years to place those feelings that I felt in that moment into words. It was anger. I don’t know who I was angry at but the will to fight boiled my blood and I refused to ever allow myself to think that killing myself would make everything better. I refused to give in. I saw that the act of my suicide would allow the man who abused me to win and I couldn’t allow that. Over my dead body will I allow this man to win. Things didn’t magically get better after that moment. It got worst. So much worst. The thought occurred to me on my weaker moments but I continued to fight. I fought because I knew eventually things will get better. Eventually, I will find a life worth living for. A life that made all that pain worth it. I’ve always wanted to talk about suicide, it should be talked about more. With this story, I was finally able to do. Zack’s suicide is only the beginning though. It’s only the end of this story but I planned from the start to have this a three book series. Yes! You heard that right. A THREE book series!
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails is only the FIRST DRAFT of book one. It is short even for short story standards. I’m so very excited to announce that my goal for this new year is to revise, edit and complete the final version for this story with the means to publish it. It won’t be a big publish deal with some big company and suddenly this book is in all the bookstores in the world. Although that is THE dream. It will be an e-book on my website that true fans of this book can purchase. I’m planning to add at least another 80 pages to this story, which is basically double the amount that you see now. I realize there is a lot of events that I just skipped over. There is so much character development needed and well little plot holes that need to be filled. I have a list of things I want to add (nothing big will change) and I wanted to take this moment and ask you, the reader, to please comment down below and let me know what you think is missing. What do you want to see more off? What do you want to know? Do you want to hear more about M as she was growing up? How Daddy Dearest turned gay? There are quite a bit of things I want to go into detail about that I only briefly mentioned throughout the story. Zack’s depression and struggle with alcoholism were very subtle throughout the entire story. It was important to me to not make it too obvious as M (and you the readers) should be completely overthrown by his suicide. There is so much more I can say but I will leave that for the second book.
Thank you so much for all the love and support. I truly hope you enjoyed this little part of my soul. And I hope if anything, you can take my message to heart. Mental health is so fucking important. If you’re struggling, please reach out. If not with family members or friends, then with a therapist. There are so many free online support communities. You’re not alone. I know you feel alone and you’re drowning in the pain, but please. Reach out. I know it’s hard but it’s worth it.
Update from Future Cassy:
I’ve put all of the chapters of Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails into one downloadable document for you. I lightly and I mean very lightly edited the document. The purpose of this is to make accessing the entirety of this story easier. Before you click on the link to read, please take note of my author note. It’s on the second page of the PDF document but I feel compelled to really stress this.
This is the first ever version of this story. It’s completely raw and unedited. There are plot holes, grammar mistakes and overall moments that makes no sense to anyone but me. It’s messy. I fully intend to turn this first draft into something so much bigger but that’s going to take some time. Please note that I’m constantly evolving with my writing. I wrote this book a few months ago and I already think it’s incredibly badly written. Even though I want to stick my head into a little hole and hide from the world at the very thought of people reading this: I’m still so proud of this. I love this story so much. It helped me when I was going through a hard time and for that I’m grateful. You’re more than welcome to read this story and share constructive criticism on it. What do you think is missing? What should I add? What grammar mistake is repeated? Though, threw, thought and etc. I won’t ever know I misuse these words until someone points it out to me. While that being said, I repeat this book is the FIRST DRAFT. It’s very raw and there WILL be grammar mistakes. If you want to point out every single spelling mistake, go right ahead. Just know, I won’t necessarily respond to it. I’m going to start the heavy editing process in August 2019 so hopefully, you will have the final version of this book early 2020. We will have to see how things play out. Thank you so much for the support and I hope you will enjoy this story.
PS This is a coming of age story so it’s a story designed for young adults. I touch on serious subjects in this book.
Now, without further ado…