But wait, where did all the blogs go? I’m not going to be witty and crack a few jokes, although shoving down that piece of myself is incredibly difficult… It’s a sacrifice I simply just need to make for my readers. Okay, I tried.
But wait, where did all the blogs go? On a raining morning, a cat jumped through the little door. It turned to stare through the window, angry at the skies for the cold. The creature shook of its fur before stretching. Once fully stretched, the cat lazily walked towards its destination. It turned the corner, took the stairs and walked straight towards the innocent humans sleeping in their bed. The cat then did the most natural thing, it woke up it’s humans and demanded food. The one human had- Well, at least I can write again.
You guys don’t really deserve a long stretched out story to explain one moment. One thought. I woke up one day and realized I wasn’t comfortable having my blogs up anymore so I took the steps so I could delete it. For the next week, I spend hours and hours copying every single blog with all it’s glory over to one document which ended up being a little over a THOUSAND pages. And then the moment arrived where I just deleted years of hard work, rambles, story times and so many memories and connections.
Although there is some guilt attached to the idea of letting anyone down who found strength and or happiness in one of my blogs, I come first. But saying that powerful line, for those who found that place in my words, please don’t hesitate to reach out and I would be willing to a certain degree to share the blog in question with you. There’s a few (those who landed in my cringe category the last time I reorganized everything) that will never see the light of day again. Someone would have to either rip them out of my dying grasp or hand over a check with a few zeros on it.
To be a tiny bit more serious although a part of me still isn’t comfortable with that. I can’t quite put my finger on where these feelings are coming from. A part of me is like well sometimes life isn’t comfortable and you shouldn’t have that fear hold you back in life but another part counter argues against that by saying that I’m allowed to not feel comfortable with my blogs anymore. They did what they needed to do in the moment they existed online. They served their purpose and now their time is up. Just because they’re gone now…well it doesn’t erase that purpose it played. In my life and hopefully in some of my readers lives. Going through each blog one by one, reading through most of them and seeing those comments, it felt so nostalgic but…it was such a powerful and therapeutic experience. Reading through memories and thoughts about experiences I remember so faintly than before. Reading through how I viewed life, all the promises and dreams I shared, and how certain things bothered me…It was interesting to view them in a new eye. Either in a position where I couldn’t relate at all, or the fact that I still felt lingering feelings that connected to the blog…I’m grateful for this platform. I’m grateful to the past version of myself that shared what she shared. As cliché as this might sound, I wouldn’t be where I am today with the perspective I have now without all those experiences and memories. It helped me to heal, grow and change as a human being to be so vulnerable. I think back to the day I shared intimate details and many people reached out with support, advice, and their own stories. I’m grateful that I got to connect with so many. But like many things once time gets thrown into the mix, I changed. I grew up. I matured. I found my voice. My voice is unfortunately not the ghost whispers of my past blogs.
But with all that aside, I just want to take this moment to thank everyone. Thank you for being with me through this journey. Thank you for your support. Thank you for allowing this to always be a safe space. Thank you for taking such good care of Past Cassy. And thank you for allowing me to feel safe to close this chapter. Because that’s all it simply is. A chapter that’s now finished, fully edited and ready to stand by its own. A chapter ready to hand over the passion and excitement that sparked it’s beginning to the next one. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
My voice will always remain in my characters and I’m excited to pursue this passion and explore the worlds my brain creates for the rest of my life.
With so much love,