This blog has been lying in my drafts for a while. I kept waiting to magically grow those mythical lady balls and get this one over with, but it’s hard. This is a really big decision and one that wasn’t made lightly. It’s been a long time coming and I think that has come across. Okay here goes. This is going to be the last blog I’m going to write for my website.
The simple truth is that I no longer feel comfortable sharing details about my life. The first year of this website, I genuinely enjoyed writing about my life and sharing it online. No one forced me to be so personal and at the time it helped me, but now. I don’t quite know how to put all of this in words, but I just know that I don’t want to talk about my life anymore. The good, the bad and even the mundane. I have so many unfinished blogs and a long lists of blog ideas waiting for me, but I don’t know. I just don’t want to be…intimate and personal online anymore. I don’t want to talk about my feelings, my struggles or even just silly little things. I-I just don’t feel comfortable being so open with all of that anymore. I-I…These last few months I’ve learned a very important skill through therapy. In every situation, even those uncontrollable and horrible situations, there is something you can control that will make the situation better and easier for you. I was comfortable with sharing my past – or at least some of it – online, but I can control my present and future. This is me taking that control by finally taking this long overdue step.
Originally, I created this website for two purposes: 1) To build a platform where I can share my stories and 2) To write blogs about whatever I felt compelled to share. And to be honest, it’s time to let go of number 2. I-I don’t want to force this or make any empty promises of oh after some time off I will feel different and suddenly feel compelled or even comfortable sharing that part of me again. I, just, sigh…this is hard. I feel like I’m letting people down, letting myself down or at least the past version of myself that dreamt such big dreams for my blog. But that’s not me anymore and no time off will change that. I-I just would much rather focus on my stories and have my characters share bits and pieces of me instead. And I- there isn’t much else I can say. I just, maybe…I’m sorry. I’m going to go back to number one and put my energy into that. I’m sorry if I’m letting you down and I’m sorry for all those empty promises. I’m going to leave my past online, but my present and future will be found in my characters. They will become my voice.
Thank you so much for all the love and support over the years and I truly hope this won’t be our goodbye, but if it is, I just want to say how much I’ve appreciated to have you along for the journey. Take care and stay safe.
Now, what does this mean for my website? All of my past blogs will remain online as they are now. I intend to share first drafts of my stories and eventually the sample chapters of their eBook version before the launch. The next story I intend to turn into an eBook is Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails. Now, that I’m able to connect to that part of me after regaining my confidence, it has slowly started to take shape. I will make no promises of any possible release date, but I’ve made it my personal goal to have the eBook version be ready by next year Christmas. In the perfectly ideal world, I will publish a new book every year and half, with it’s first draft at the start of the timeline. So, January and February year x, the first draft comes out and in June and July year y the sample chapters of the eBook comes out before finally the launch of the eBook. This is the ideal world and something I would want to work towards. In this ideal world, I would also have a new short story (final version and around 50-80 maybe a 100 pages) go up every three months.
Before I go, let’s end this one with something mushy…