Category: Writing Corner

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails, Writing Corner

Getting Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails publish-ready | Step Three (October Checkup)

Cassandra Meaker

It’s a Christmas miracle everyone. I finished two chapters in the month of October. Wait does that mean it’s a Halloween miracle? It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it but we can get used to it, right?

As this is an update and I can’t have it be like 40 words, I’m trying to think of something to add to this. I guess I can tell you about my new idea on how to write more frequently but honestly, I don’t think that matters. I accomplished my goal of two chapters and now it’s important that I keep it up for this month and so on. Yeah, I only wrote in the first week of October and then didn’t open the document again, but it’s not like I failed…It’s not ideal and I don’t want this to become a pattern but I can only do my best and that just needs to be good enough. I think I’m also slowly realizing that I’m never going to have the few weeks of writing madness I had when I rewrote and finalized My Alpha Mate Got Me Pregnant And He Loves It. Back then I was able to write a chapter every day for days in a row. I think my longest streak was 8 days and then I took two days off and pumped out another 5 or 6 days. That’s the golden standard that I keep holding myself to. But now it’s unrealistic to expect that from myself. I’m not quite happy with where I am right now. I want to make writing a priority to me and work on it more than I do now, but I don’t know how yet. But I will keep trying until I find that balance. I just need to trust myself more…

That’s it. I didn’t know I was feeling that way until I sat down and typed it out. It just goes to show how valuable writing is for me. This feels good. I’m going to brainstorm a bit on how I want to approach this month and what experiment I want to try out. But for now, my goal for November and December is 1) find a writing system that works and most importantly is maintainable. 2) Continue the streak of writing two chapters a month.

I think for now I will come back with an update end of December. By then I should have more clarity. Fingers crossed. Please take care of yourselves and stay safe.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!   

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails, Writing Corner

Getting Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails publish-ready | Step Three (September Checkup)

Cassandra Meaker

Hey! Hello! Hay! Hoi!

I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry for disappearing. Life just hit a bit too hard and I had to go into survival mode for a second there. But please know that even if it might not seem like it, writing is very important to me. This book is important to me. I just figured I will quickly pop in here to give an update on the process and the plan for the next few months.

August was a good writing month. The best one I’ve had for a while. It went downhill around the middle point but those first two weeks were chef kisses for this book. The plan of working on the book for at least 15 minutes every two days worked really well. (Say that three times fast!) I’ve noticed that sitting down and working on the book is the easier part of the two, but getting started was a whole different problem. I struggle to do that just by myself. So, the timer system on a schedule did the trick. I marked 6 days in those two weeks and was finally able…drum roll please…TO FINISH A CHAPTER. That’s right. You read that correctly. Slow poke over here finished her first chapter in MONTHS. I finished chapter one on the 22nd of May and only finished chapter two on the 9th of August. Urgh, that hurts a bit. And because this system worked so well in August before shit hit the fan, I want to give it a good old college try in the month of October. So, I will be right back. I’m going to open my book for the first time since the 12th of August and set a 15-minute timer. Just for fun, it’s 11:30. Let’s see when I finish…

I’m back. It’s 30 minutes and a little over 500 words later. I had to reread chapter two to figure out where I left of. I kind of got into the groove but then the laundry machine finished and reminded me of the very long list of chores I need to get through after being overwhelmed for a bit there. So, I’m going to that and come back to this update a bit later tonight. I want to set another 15-minute timer tonight and see if I can pump out a bit more before I post this update. What can I say? I’m definitely overcompensating. But as extra overcompensation, here is a tiny little expert of chapter two. This is something I use all the time in real life because of one TikTok I saw I don’t even know how long back. It has become a personality trait.

   “On a scale from one to ten, one being you would rather shave your head in a Dr. Phill haircut and ten being genuine joy, how much are you looking forward to tomorrow?” Zack hummed as he pondered over my question.

Many moons have passed since I’ve last opened this document. I’ve transcended into another life form and I’m now the ultimate something majestic. It’s been two days and it took me an embarrassingly amount of time to find this document on my computer. Am I being overdramatic? Yes. Did I immediately find it? No. Was it right in front of me on my desktop? Yes. I also needed to Google transcend because my first instinct was “tresented’’ but pronounced trans-scented. I whole heartedly promise I’m a very professional author… Let’s just say, I really appreciate my girl auto correct or the little suggestions word recommends when I spell like my dog’s asshole. I’m completely off track so let’s steer this puppy back onto topic. The little proud chuckle I did at my own joke is something I’m not ashamed of.

Anyway…it’s been two days since I’ve started this update so that means two things. I’m procrastinating and it’s time for another 15 minutes on the book. I’m going to quickly do that after being distracted by another task and come back at ***insert time later*** and…okay I will stop. See you in second. It’s 14:35. It’s 15:06 and I’m back. That went well. I’m a bit uncertain with the next bit. Originally this book was going to be a quick short novel but the number one feedback I got was that the book went too quick and it needed more breathing moments as in fillers to help build the storyline. And I’m now a bit insecure with the number of details I’m adding. It’s a struggle that has popped up before and I’m willing to put money on the fact that it will continue to come up every single chapter. But regardless of this tiny little thing I need to sort out, I’m happy with what I wrote down today and what I have up to this point so that’s something I’m going to cling onto. Future Cassy from two days from now can sort out this little kink.

This has been my very long update. I will come back at the end of the month to check in and update how things are going. My goal is to have chapter three and four complete. Even better if I get to say chapter five and six is finished but that’s my overcompensating voice speaking. I hope everyone is well and until next time.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!  

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails, Writing Corner

Getting Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails publish-ready | Step Three (July Checkup)

Cassandra Meaker

This is going to be a very QUICK little pop in. July has been BRUTAL. I was sick for 2 weeks. My husband got hit by a car (He’s okay! No broken bones and is almost back to a 100%). Our bathroom flooded. Chaos at the new job. All of this meant that I worked very little on the book and didn’t hit my two chapters per month goal. I have 3 and a half hours saved up for July that I need to spend on the book and I’m going to try to catch up where I can, but honestly, I need to recess a few things and see how I can balance everything while keeping my sanity.

For one of the reports for work I had to write up a plan of action on how I’m going to balance work, school and my private life. And this is how my general week looks like: 1 day is all mine. My private life day. My recharge day. 1 day is just me going to school. 3-4 days I work. On my working days I also write reports for work and do any courses, training and etc. 1-2 day for school stuff. This includes working on projects, preparing for lessons and studying. All of this means that I only have 1 day a week to possibly work on the book, but that also means that on the only free day I have just for myself I need to work on the book, which is honestly not ideal and I’m just not going to be able to balance it in the long run. So, I now need to come up with a plan on how to best balance everything. And as I’m a problem solver at heart, I’ve spent this last week trying to come up with some solutions.

These are the possible solutions that I would want to try out on a month trail basis until we find the best match.

  • Commit to spending 15min on the book every 2 days. Basically, I turn on a timer, open the document and just work until the timers goes off. If inspiration hits and I’m on the roll I work through my timer until I reach a good stopping point.
  • Commit to spending 45min on the book every 4 days. With the same timer rule thing going on.

For August I will try out the 15min timer one. I will start today after this blog goes up. Hopefully I can just hit my stride and get going. Inspiration is almost zero at this point and it takes so much energy and effort to just sit down and work on the book. It’s not necessarily to do with time as much and more to do with a combination of lack of motivation and writer’s block. But I think the only way to compact that is to write more frequently. I will come back at the end of the month with an update, hopefully I can then finally share that I’ve hit the two chapters a month goal. I’m so behind schedule it’s not even funny. I hope things are going okay with you all, please take care and stay safe.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails, Writing Corner

Getting Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails publish-ready | Step Three (Checkup 1)

Cassandra Meaker

Uhmm, hi…well this is awkward. I don’t really know where to start with this one so I’m going to just word vomit it out. I’ve been struggling to keep up with my plan for the book. It’s been very difficult to balance everything and well I’ve written one chapter. And I would say I’m about 70% happy with it. There are some parts where I’m a bit unsure. I’m struggling to make the one-character likable. I have my favorites yah know, but one of the main characters is in love with this other character but I can’t make them likable enough to justify the love part. This is a mess of an explanation but I’m struggling to put everything together. There are just so many parts I’m not sure of yet and I’m not one of those writers that can just write through it yah know, like wing it and see what happens. Or maybe I am? I honestly don’t know anymore.

But putting my writer extensional crisis aside, working on the book while trying to have a life, cling onto my sanity, and attempt to get my degree while being railed by the Dutch language has been a tiny bit difficult. But I always say that if something is truly important to you, you will make time for it. So, I guess I need to put my money where my mouth is and actually make time to write even if I don’t know what the fuck to write next. I should at the very least open the document, throw some words onto the screen and hope something sticks. So, I will try to do better. Realistically I might only finish two chapters a month and I can definitely kiss the end of September deadline for this run-through goodbye, but I’m going to try. I’m going to open that document at least once a week and see if any inspiration hits. If I have to set a timer of the minimal amount of time, I need to actually spend on the book I will. I’m going to put it on my phone right now. I have my work schedule for July and August so I have zero excuses. I will be right back.

First checkup (27 June) notes:

  • 1 chapter done with 70% satisfaction points
  • Commits to the two chapters per month aka minimal two chapters per check-up (more would be great future, Cassy!)
  • Promise to do better and actively makes a plan of action to keep to my promise  

Here is the game plan:

  • On 29 June keep the document open for a minimum of 30 minutes. The idea is that I will get inspired and write a chapter but I’m not allowed to give up until the 30 minutes has passed.
  • On 8 July I need to work on the book for at least one hour. Again, the same rule as before but I’m a bit stricter as I’m nearing the mini deadline.
  • On 15 July it’s 30 minutes.
  • On 21 July is one hour.
  • On 25 July is the second checkup and hopefully, I hit the minimal two chapters goal.
  • On 1 August is one hour.
  • On 5 August another one-hour session.
  • On 14 August, one hour again.
  • On 20 August minimal one hour again. We got to get strict because with school starting again in September, it would be smart to get ahead.
  • On 22 August is the third checkup and hopefully, I have hit the 10 chapters in total mark because damn that would be a great place to be.

And it’s officially in my schedule so you know I will get to it. Honestly, it’s the only way I keep track of everything. But that’s about it. I hope everyone is doing okay and please take care and stay safe.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails, Writing Corner

Getting Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails publish-ready | Step two

Cassandra Meaker

Hey! Hello! Hi! How you doing? (PS: You need to pronounce is like Joey does, it’s a requirement. I don’t make the rules here). It’s time for another update about the book and boy did these last three weeks fly by. I don’t understand how it happened. It was April like yesterday and I blinked and now look where we are, with step two sort of but not really complete.

A quick reminder what was on the list for step two:

  • Create timeline
  • Plan out chapters
  • Do research

I did actually add two more things to my list but to be fair, I also took some shit off so it kind of balances out. I added:

  • Character descriptions (main and (main)side-characters)
  • Important buildings in the Sims 4

I’m going to keep this update short and sweet as I’m semi limited with what I want to share that I’ve created these last few weeks. I know that with the first draft already on here, any big surprises are off the table but I still want to keep some stuff unknown. So, I’m going to speed run through some of these bullet points.

Create timeline: The story takes place in 8 months, starting in January and ending in August. I went above and beyond with this timeline, it took me a good few hours, but it’s beyond detailed and should help avoid any big plot holes and help with the smoother transitions. It did pose as a challenge at one point as I started to overthink certain details. I got a bit stuck on the location of the story and how certain things would work as in the legal drinking age, but I committed on some rules/facts. The story takes place in Europe. There are mountains around them or in the area and there is also a sea/beach semi close-by. The legal drinking age is 18 and the year is 2019. I even went as far to plan out the school system. It’s very detailed, I might even argue it’s too planned out. I’ve never approached writing a book like this so it’s going to be interesting how it takes shape once I actually sit down and write.

Plan out chapters: As I pretty much planned out almost every single day (some days are open for possible filler scenes), I didn’t feel that a chapter-by-chapter thorough plan was needed. Yes, a small part of me was lazy considering how many hours the timeline took me, but a bigger part was mainly me planning myself into a writer’s block and I wanted to leave some flexibility for the story.  

Do research: There was a small list of things I was able to research from the get go, the highlights from the first draft but honestly some things are difficult to research before I know the role it might play in the story. Yes, I could research every occupation or hobby in detail but if I’m going to mention it in passing here and there, I only need to know enough information for those small references. But the first thing I researched was boxing as it played a big role in the story and this is the source I used.

Character descriptions

Again, I want to avoid sharing to much, but here is a small hint.

I have 11 of these tables and there are still a few characters that I might add later on. I just haven’t figured out the smaller details yet so I’m waiting to see how they will take shape once I write them. PS: I haven’t finished any of these tables, that’s what the *** stand for.

Important buildings in the Sims 4

Here I can share only a tiny bit more. The reason why I decided to build the main important buildings in the Sims 4, outside the fact that on the day I started working on step two I just really wanted to play Sims but needed an excuse, but I have a real semi valid reason too. As I sometimes struggle with those tiny details as okay the character just made a cup of coffee but poof she is here now, how did that happen? So, I created the build to help myself with that, and it’s also for those small details like what color carpet does she have (incase M drops something on the carpet) or a guest is over, where is the bathroom? It’s those really small things that I definitely didn’t need the Sims 4 builds for but like I said, I only need an excuse.

M (the main character who might be getting a proper nick name in the final draft) has a beautiful tree house in the back yard which is basically her sanctuary. It has a very thrifted home-made vibe going on. And some of the furniture pieces Zack designed, build or fixed for her. This is the area M and Zack will spend a lot of time in, so definitely prepare yourself for adorable “filler” scenes.

~*~

And that’s all folks, nothing to crazy. Next up, step three (time guess: 18-20 weeks):

  • WRITE! Rough draft. Try to not stress about perfection. Get everything down from A to Z.

We have some cliff notes that go with this step. The main one being the total amount of chapters, how many chapters I will realistically be able to complete per month and of course, how long it will take me to finish. The original time guess of max 20 weeks is a bit on the ambitious side. Honestly, I think a minimum two chapters per month is the best we might get, there might be some weeks in between where I can pump out more chapters but I’m not going to put any money on those anytime soon. My hands are a bit full with you know, trying to get my degree in my third language and starting a new job in July. Oh, by the way, I did get that nursing student job in the end. I’m starting in July and I can’t be more excited.

So, if we take all that into account and we play with the lose idea of 15 chapters in total, the time guess can instantly be bumped up to 30 weeks (because 1 chapter = 2 weeks). I can’t commit to the total amount of chapters now before writing as…the first draft is 20 short chapters (4 pages per chapter) and the idea for the new version is either 5 pages per chapter or 8. All of these details impact the total amount of chapters which in turn impacts the time guess. It’s all interlinked because it’s one thing to rewrite the first draft and fix those transitions and small details, but obviously I’m adding shit to enrich the story. What I’m trying to say is, this might take a hot second and you’re going to need to be patient with me. I do intend to do a little mini check up every 4 weeks just to let you know where I sit so that’s something.

I really don’t have anything else to say so I’m going to round up this blog here and get back to studying or probably, and most likely, play some Sims. I hope life isn’t treating everyone to harshly and please take care and stay safe.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails, Writing Corner

Getting Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails publish-ready | Step one

Cassandra Meaker

A few weeks ago I shared my step-by-step plan on how I’m going to finish the next book. The goal was that by sharing this plan with my readers, I would be forced to stick to my guns and actually work on the book. And I was right. If I didn’t have this deadline hanging over my head I definitely wouldn’t have worked on the book today, that I can promise you with a lot of confidence. Before I share hints of how the first step went, allow me to remind you what was on my list.

Please note that I’m working on the (published, you can read it here) first draft: Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails which means there will be spoilers. The idea of the story is out there (and so is the ending) but I will keep any new details I’m going to add as a surprise.

Step 1: (Three weeks: 1 April to 22 April)

  • Reread/revise old notes
  • Reread the entire first draft and write new notes (new perspective/ideas?)
  • Reread the second draft (4) chapters and write notes (on the right path?)

~*~

Feedback from Friend X:

  • M needs a clear moment where she realizes she’s in love with Zack before his death.
  • More filler chapters. It’s too abrupt.
  • Maybe a funeral for Zack. The story needs a well-rounded ending.

Feedback from Friend Y:

Chapter 1

  • Overload of information right from the start. A lot of names in one go. Had to make a list to digest everything. Who is X and what do they mean to the main character? Who is the main character?
  • Confusion with Dad and Daddy Dearest. Dad in office. Daddy Dearest in kitchen. The difference between names leads to confusion, who is who and where are they?

Chapter 5

  • Finer details. Legal drinking age. Alcohol?

Chapter 6

  • Further confusion between Dad and Daddy Dearest character names.

Chapter 7

  • Establishing characters even if they’re only there for one scene.
  • Explain Zack’s motivation, history and etc. Why is he willing to get into drag? How does this effect his military image? Go into his character more. Who is he?

Chapter 8

  • Time jumps. Abrupt transitions from one scene to another.

Chapter 9

  • More build-up on Zack/M’s bucket list trip to New York. What about all the special experiences that only the city has to offer?

Chapter 10

  • Time jumps. Transition between days/time is abrupt. Quote: “I get the feeling that the story goes from party to bed, to party to bed, to musical to bed. Like why not make this start with the walk or metro trip home.”
  • It’s quick jumps from big scene/moment to another. No rest moments to reflect on the big scene/moment. The story needs more fillers/breathing moments.

Chapter 12

  • Smoother transitions from scene to scene!

Chapter 13

  • Reaction to big changes/moments that are negative or uncomfortable needs to be explained. Why does M react that why? More personality builds up and deeper idea of who the main character is will help with this.

Chapter 15

  • Where is this story taking place? Where do they live?
  • More structure to the timeline.
  • Main character’s personality, history and motivation should be clearer. There is a lot of confusion. Quote: “Now I’m thinking like, you’re the real daughter of the Daddy dearest, who was the drag queen (and in the military(?)) in the past, but he once did have a relationship with a female. As well as having the other son Mason. But the other dad seemed more realistic to have this as he had less of the drag queen attitude. Like drag queens are more likely to be just gay and awfully over the top and not bisexual? But then he must be bisexual then.” 
  • More confusion between Dad and Daddy Dearest characters, history, personality and motivation. Quote: “Okay so now her real dad is the dad and not the daddy dearest? And the mason is the daddy dearest’s son. I’m still confused by it all as they are too similar of names – one of them was called Rick, right? Can’t the real dad be dad and the step dad be with a name? lol mi curious what others reading this story thought about this issue.”

Chapter 16

  • More explanation on character’s reaction to certain scene/moments good and bad.

Chapter 17

  • Fillers. Establish main character.

Chapter 18

  • Facts. How long does X take? Ex. nose break and surgery. Hospital trip, healing time, procedure and etc.
  • School timeline. Overall timeline should be improved.
  • Story jumps to quickly.

Chapter 19

  • Important side-character that hold importance to the main character shouldn’t be introduced to late. Ex. Sasha’s father – M is supposedly super close to the Wilson family. But he is only mentioned now almost at the end?
  • Timeline = weather/season!

Chapter 20

  • Realistic reaction. Ex. Response to a crime. Quote: “Realistically with stab wounds this would have already have been done at the hospital and your statements would have already been taken by the police and area searched for the guy with the knife. I believe it is classed as it is attempted murder (?)”
  • Quick jumps from scene to scene. The story needs more time for the character to reflect back to certain scene/moments. Breathing moments or fillers will go a long way.
  • Needs a better well-rounded ending!

Extra

  • Themes/messages shouldn’t be too subtle or should at least be acknowledged. If you’re not looking for it or don’t have personal first-hand experience, will you notice the signs?

Feedback from the Husband:

  • More Sasha before boyfriend. What was their relationship like? How did it change? The loss of friendship will hit deeper…
  • More history of young M. Get your facts straight. M’s backstory. Daddy dearest is technically her uncle.
  • Cancer grandma? Homophobia. A villain and conflict = personal growth.  
  • Special occasions: Public holidays, birthday’s, big school events (prom).
  • Timeline jumps. Smoother transitions.
  • More fillers.  

~*~

Chapter 1

  • Get M’s backstory right. A rejected baby in a ditch? Later on, she orphaned by a car accident? One of the dads technically her uncle who adopted her?
  • Texting bits in a different form? Is it easy to digest?
  • Intro is a bit weird. I can’t tell you why though. Something just feels off.
  • Dad and Daddy Dearest confusion. Spend more time giving the characters shape. Personality, motivation, a name would be nice. Dad is a lawyer? Daddy Dearest a chef?
  • Arrived to Sasha’s place by bicycle. Okay so they live close by. Where is this story taking place? Somewhere in Europe? Is it safe to get from point A to point B by bicycle is the question, I guess?
  • A better idea of the surroundings can go very far as fillers or transitions. The neighborhood. The two main characters house or at very least their bedrooms. A clear picture of their area and how they interact with it will help. Maybe it will be fun to make their homes in Sims? (She says as she wants to play in build mode because it’s been a while).
  • Own essay – come on Cas don’t be lazy. Maybe play around with different styles when you jump from texting, essay and then the actual story? Would it be too much?
Which one do you prefer? I’m still debating if I want to use the essay format to share important moments (as there is a limit with how personal the main character will realistically get) or instead use a blog format?
Texting does come up a few times in the book and a new style for it would be nice, but I’m not sure yet. I like it more when it’s the different font though. What are your thoughts?

Chapter 2

  • M’s future plans. What is she passionate about? What are her hobbies? What is she good at? Is her talent singing? Does she want to pursue a singing career or is just for fun? What “type” of singing? What is her voice like? Honestly rethink the whole singing talent because that’s going to be difficult to do justice. Does she want to study? If so, what? Apparently, she likes to travel. Where did this passion come from?
  • Relationship with Sasha before her relationship with John. What is their friendship like? How/why or when did M fall in love?
  • How did Zack go from best friend’s brother to close friend? Maybe spend more than two seconds on this.
  • The one-week trip away. Destination is flexible but activities should also match a bit with the place you’re visiting. What does only this place have to offer?
  • Fix the time jumps or abrupt scene changes.

Chapter 3

  • I actually really like the food fight scene. It hurts when your characters live your random dream.

Chapter 4

  • Zack character should be super clear by now. Is he comfortable with his masculinity where he is comfortable wearing whatever? Should it be said or does the actions portray this enough? Again, I don’t actually hate this scene. The recurring problem of time jumps and abrupt scene changes should be addressed though.
  • Zack and his social media…It only really came up on the trip and nowhere else. It’s okay if that’s the case but explain it as in maybe it’s a travel Instagram? Maybe it’s just here is all the fun stuff I do? I don’t know add some logic, I guess?
  • “Pop” references. Famous celebrity gives birth. Commit to a rough time when the story takes place and make sure references are accurate to that time. It’s a nice touch.

Chapter 5

  • I really love this scene. A good flirting scene with pick up nails is my favorite and is definitely going to happen in almost every book I’m going to write.
  • In this chapter Zack is flirting with another girl? Does he like M? His feelings, omblivious to the main character but obvious to the readers needs to be constant or at least explain. Readers see that in chapter x and y he obviously has feelings for M but now he is flirting with some stranger in the club?
  • Finer detail: legal drinking age. We’ve established their age, and where they’re visiting, if New York legal age is 21. With that logic, M wouldn’t even be allowed in. Fake ID then?
  • Zack’s history and backstory. Did he enlist in the army?

Chapter 6

  • I love this dancing competition moment. Maybe reference to the inspiration (Grease) for extra points?
  • Add finer details. Where did they get the dress? Did Zack just show up with M’s dress? Did they buy it at a thrift store? If so, was it dry cleaned before she wore it for how many hours? Also spend more time at the competitions. Fixing the recurring problem should solve this problem here.
  • How long are they away at this trip? When is it? March? What is the weather like? What time of the year is it? Where are they staying. Filler or extra information can serve as great breathing moments to enjoy big scenes and moments.

Chapter 7

  • Again, love this scene. Same problem as before, is Zack comfortable dressing up in drag? Similar question that Friend Y pointed out. If Zack is an army guy, what would the response be?
  • Also, suddenly one of the dads is/was into drag? Totally okay but the way it was brought up was a bit to quick.
  • Sing along to songs, as in share lyrics. Is it okay? I like the “pop” reference though.

Chapter 8

  • Transitions from scene to scene. More breathing moments to process big moments. M’s sees all the pictures and finally gets a hint of Zack’s feelings. And then boom, overcoming stage fright fear.

Chapter 9

  • Kiss scene. Jump. Sky diving. Recuring problem rearing it ugly head once more. Surprise!

Chapter 10

  • Big hair transformation. Jump. First tattoo and a matching tattoo at that.

Chapter 11

  • Fight with Sasha. It’s okay but can be better.
  • Two months later jump. Come on, don’t be so lazy. What is M’s school life? Does she have other friends? Add more fillers. Also, the jump between chapters is a bit weird. Chapter 8, 9 and 10 crazy adventure stuff is happening and in chapter 11, she fights with best friends and suddenly it’s two months later and Zack likes to box now? Allow the readers to breathe.
  • Finer details: Realistic shit please. If Zack is going to box, actually read up about boxing. Don’t just pull shit out of your ass.

Chapter 12

  • Sasha’s pregnancy reveal. Jump. One dad had an affair and has a son.

Chapter 13

  • Mason (Dad’s son that they just found out about and just appeared) instant friends? A bit unrealistic…Like here is my back story okay we’re family now?

Chapter 14

  • Dad (the cheater) moved out and now M hates him? More moments of their relationship will make his betrayal and her reaction make more sense. Also, now I (so definitely the readers) don’t really care.
  • I love the wholesome moment M has with the other dad though. More of those scenes with the main side-characters throughout the book would be perfect though.

Chapter 15

  • What time of the year is it? What’s happening in school? Exams? School events? Holidays? The story desperately needs a proper timeline.
  • Also, parents are getting a divorce. It’s feels very abrupt. The story is just very fast passed. Something big happens in every single chapter which isn’t too crazy but it’s big moment, jump, big moment, jump, big moment and etc.

Chapter 16

  • Nothing specific to comment on in this one. Just maybe M finally catching up to Zack’s inner turmoil? Is the message clear enough to the reader?

Chapter 17

  • The usual problem, other than that nothing specific to report. Maybe well M gets a dog but she’s going away soon? Possibly travel/possibly to study? Is she moving out after high school?

Chapter 18

  • Nose breaking scene. Just make sure it’s realistic. Sasha miscarriage scene. Again realistic. How far along was she? Did she pass the fetus via medication or did was the fetus removed via surgery? How did she lose the baby? Just one of those things or was there an accident? Just spend some time on this.

Chapter 19

  • Mugger scene. Make it realistic. Police response? Ambulance?

Chapter 20

  • M needs a moment where she realizes she loves Zack. Story needs a better ending. We’re not going to end it on too much of a cliffhanger okay.

~*~

Chapter 1

  • I like it. It’s a good start and introduces all the main (- side characters) quite flawlessly. Good job Cas! The time jump isn’t the worst in the world but it’s not needed. Add a paragraph or two to just leave it out. So, add a filer.

Chapter 2

  • Again, a job well done. Just need to fix the two dad’s confusion problem.

Chapter 3

  • I really like it. I do notice the same pattern popping up that the story is going a bit quickly but it’s not nearly as bad as it was with the first draft. I think a good rule is going to have one “breathable” moment per chapter.
  • Essay moment. Commit on how I’m going to share flashbacks or specific moments. If it’s going to be an essay it needs to be realistic. What would you share with your teacher? How personal would you get? Also, word count. My essays at school were 350-500 words if I remember correctly. Maybe a good replacement could be a blog? She can then be super personal and stuff while hiding it from family and friends. The modern diary. I really like the idea of having a different style for the texting and essay, so how will we showcase the blog? As research, look at different blogs to get a style idea. And then find something that you can replicate in an easy format between the text. Nothing to overwhelming or distracting. Instagram diary? WordPress blog? Tumbler? With most of these options you share a picture with the entry. How would you do that? This is getting too complicated.
  • Also how long is this book going to be? How many pages per chapters? A good plan with a timeline is going to help in the next run through.
  • Fun fact. In the second draft I wrote 3 chapters (15 pages) and only really replaced the first chapter of the first draft.

~*~

And with that, we finish step one of the plan. How exciting! I can’t tell you how incredibly happy I am to get back to my writing. I missed it so much and I’m dying to start but I’m getting all my ducks in the row before we’re going to swim, for a change. Usually, I just jump into a story but that’s the difference between a first draft and something you’re asking people to pay for.

What’s next? My tasks for step two are: create a timeline, plan out my chapters, and to do a lot of research. This is also when I’m going to plan my surroundings more. So, where is this story taking place? I will definitely use this step as an excuse to play around in Sims, I mean I should get a layout of the main character’s surroundings, right? I gave myself three weeks for this step, starting 22 April to 13 May. I saw with the first step, depending on what I had going on with school, the schedule was a bit tight but saying that I also put in the effort to make the deadline sooooo-

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a little over three weeks with the next update. Take care and stay safe!

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails, Writing Corner

Step-By-Step Plan To Finish The Next Book

Cassandra Meaker

Heyyyy

I hope everyone is doing relatively okay while the world and life has just…to put it nicely, been a mess. I can’t tell you how great it feels to write in English. The last few months my entire life has just become DUTCH and I desperately started to miss the old part of myself, which was writing and English. I didn’t know you could miss an entire language until I started to miss a language. I also learned it’s possible to kind of hate a language. But as I got surprised with a short two-week break before the next term starts, I figured hey why don’t you spend that time on the next book that you’ve been meaning to do since the start of time. I’m talking about my book “Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pink Nails” in case you’ve forgotten. I wouldn’t blame you. It’s been an eternity. Even now after all these years, I still get very excited for this story. It has protentional and I want to do it justice. Especially what it represents to me but let’s save that deep shit for the promo.

To hopefully force my butt into gear, I’ve decided to make a clear step by step plan and share it on here to not only involve the readers but also keep myself accountable. I honestly don’t know if I would ever be able to finish this book without your help. I need someone to say hey where is step one? It’s due on X date. I can then make an active plan on how I’m going to accomplish the goal and actually get it done. Here is my outline to get from where I’m now (with the first draft that has been collecting dust online and I stopped mid-chapter in my second run through) to published. I’m going to come up here at the end of every step or between if it’s been months to just update the readers on the progress. Am I’m on track? Am I stuck on anything? Okay let’s try that again. Here is my step-by-step plan to get from now to published:

Step 1 (Time guess: 3 weeks)

  • Reread/revise old notes
  • Reread the entire first draft and write new notes (new perspective/ideas?)
  • Reread the second draft (4) chapters and write notes (on the right path?)

Step 2 (Time guess: 3 weeks)

  • Create timeline
  • Plan out the chapters
  • Do research (don’t just pull shit out of your ass this time, cas)

Step 3 (Time guess: 18-20 weeks)

  • Start over! Start at chapter one again with all notes and the timeline/plan and just WRITE. Rough draft. Try to not stress about perfection. Get everything down from A to Z. (Realistic) Goal: 3 chapters a month. (Current plan is 15 chapters, but will have to adjust as the story takes shape.)
  • *This time guess is the most uncertain. I have no idea how many chapters the book will be (I plan to make this a short story but who knows) and I have no idea how many chapters I can realistically finish per month while I’m doing my bachelors. I should have a better idea once step 2 is completed.

Step 4 (Time guess: 3-4 weeks)

  • Reread whatever version you’re on now and make notes/mark mistakes. Fix them while you’re at it.
  • Double check facts/research.
  • Get feedback! Force husband and best friend to read it again. Use their notes to further improve on any missing plot holes.

Step 5 (Time guess: 6-8 weeks)

  • Start worrying about perfection. Grammar baby! Edit. Consider hiring an editor, realize it too expensive and I’m just a student self-publishing my books. Cry. And then edit again.
  • Final feedback and grammar looked over by husband and best friend. Probably forced.

Step 6 (Time guess: 3-4 weeks)

  • Fun stuff! Make the announcement. Choose the date. Create the graphics (cover and banner).
  • Sample chapters (1 per week leading up to launch?)
  • Technical stuff (force it on the husband)
  • AND CLICK PUBLISH! (and try to celebrate it this time!)
  • Crawl back into the hole and maybe attempt the next book in like 98145 years.

I’m going to start with step one in the beginning of April. I have two weeks to get as far as possibly (uninterrupted) and I want to use my time wisely. If I take my time guesses (so how long I think a step will take) into account, it will take me 10 months. That means if all goes well, the book will go live in January/February 2022. Somehow that feels like it will be two weeks from now and not 10 months. What is time?  

And there you have it. A clear and to the point plan. I’m going to print it and put it up in the office so there’s no escape. I really want to write again. It was never my intention to put it in the back burner. I miss it and I can’t wait to get back to it. I’m so excited. If I didn’t have a week to finish the “it took me the entire term” project and study for the big test, I would probably start now. But priorities…or degree first. Then happiness.

Thank you so much for reading. Please take care and stay safe.

PS. School is going relatively okay. I’m hoping to get a (part-time) student nurse job in the semi near future. I got through to the second round of interviews so fingers crossed. I want to be in the field. I truly love it. I enjoyed every single minute of my internship. I want to do this for as long as I possibly can. It’s something I’m incredibly passionate about, but well let’s just say I’ve found out it’s pretty normal to despise university and I’m on the normal train on this one. Yay.

Blog, Writing Corner

My Grandmother Was An Author Too | My Daddy Cares by Pam Meaker

Cassandra Meaker

Today, I’m sharing something special in the honor of my dearest grandmother. Her very own published book, My Daddy Cares.

My grandmother was a beautiful soul that truly made a difference in all the lives she touched. She was such a positive and vibrant woman, and she will forever be missed. I’m so incredibly grateful that I was blessed to have a woman like her in my life. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of the two of us in her garden, playing our game. I love her dearly. May she rest in peace.

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~*~

My Daddy Cares

About the author:

Pammie was born on the 23rd of June 1936 in the city of Sheffield! Having grown up in the war, devastation and surrounding bomb attacks were quite normal to her! She was regularly taking cover in the bomb shelter during the night! I remember her telling me how she would have to queue to get a small piece of lard. And how she ate her first banana at the age of twelve! At the tender age of 15, this beautiful girl and her family bravely relocated to southern Rhodesia where she met the love of her life Rodney Meaker! Pammie had 5 boys and a daughter. She was the matriarch of a loving and close family but she also had an incredible amount of hardship! Her one son died of cancer at a young age of 33, another survived a terrible motorcycle accident! And then all the regular stuff a mom would have to deal with having 5 hooligan (motorcycle mad) sons and a daughter who was as much of a tomboy as they come! Pammie’s house has elastic walls and her pots of food always had place for one more guest around the table! She spent her life helping, counseling and simply being there for folk! As a devout Christian, she honored God in every aspect of her life and touched many, many souls! About 14 years ago Pammie was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. She dealt with the illness bravely and was soon in remission. Two years ago, the cancer came back aggressively and Pammie passed away in January 2020! Her book “My Daddy Cares” is a testament to her life and is but a taste of God’s small mercies in her life. Read it and be blessed!

The purpose of this eBook:

This book was written by Pamela June Meaker, my dearest grandmother. I’m sharing this with you, so her words and message can live on and reach more lives. 90% of the proceeds (10% to cover service fees) will be donated to the Cancer Research UK charity in her name. This donation will be made on the last day of each month. I will come back on here (and on the product description) every month to share the amount we donated together.

~*~

You can purchase her book, My Daddy Cares by clicking here.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

End Note

Blog, Writing Corner

A Story From My Past. One Decade Later.

Cassandra Meaker

I was so close to sharing this last year, but I wanted to wait until we hit that ten-year mark. Well, technically it’s not even ten years yet but fuck it, let’s start this year with a bang. Sharing this embarrassing little hint to the past was a no brainer for me. What other way to start the year on a good note than to look back on how far you have come. Fuck, that’s the worst sentence ever. Why does it sound so wrong? I promise I’m a good writer. Or at least, I’m a lot better than what you’re about to read. Trust me? Buy my eBook? Okay, let’s try that again. What other way can one start a year on a good note than to look back on how far you have come. Nope. That doesn’t sound right either. What other way can you start a year than to look back on how far you have come? It’s getting worse? Fuck this shit, you know what I mean. It’s healthy to look back and pat yourself on the back every now and again. Like take a fucking moment to celebrate your growth. Roar. This statement is my undoing. Moving on.

I’ve been writing for a very long time now. What started as a hobby quickly turned into a distraction when shit started to hit the fan. Over the years, writing became so much more. It means so much more. It’s my therapy. It’s my escape. It’s my voice. It’s my story. Now, a decade later, I can comfortably call myself a published author. Someone paid to read a story I wrote. This fact still blows my mind. I’m so incredibly grateful to have a platform where I can share my stories.

May this year be full of great adventures, great writing and so much more. But…before that, let’s see where I came from. Without further ado, here is chapter one from my very first story…ever. I wrote this when I was fourteen years old so prepare yourself for a large dosage of painful second-hand cringe.

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Prologue

 

I never believed in happy endings, mostly because I could still remember the time when everything was perfect. A time when I had no problem, nothing to worry about. Oh how that time was wonderful. How naive I was back then.

***

   “Keep up!” Drake screamed while looking over his shoulder. I laughed and pushed my legs to run a little faster. I have to catch him. Drake’s red came flapped in the wind as he ran. At eight years old he truly loved Superman and playing make belief. He would always be the hero saving all his victims who was mostly played by me. He never failed to rescue me from the big bad villain. Mom and dad were right behind me, most likely to stop me from scaring people. I knew the way I was screaming and waving for Drake to slow down must have made me look crazy, but I did not mind. I kept on laughing and almost lost my footing when Drake turned around to make a face and ran straight into a tree. I laughed loudly while mom rushed to his side. Once sure that it was only the shock that made the brave boy cry; she turned towards me with a scowl on her face. It was clear she was not happy that I laughed at my brother. Drake got over his pain and bruised pride quickly and jumped out of our mother’s arms and ran towards me. The look on his face made it clear that I was going to pay for laughing for him. I turned around and ran. I could not stop the little cries of laughter as I ran. I looked behind me only to see that Drake was catching up fast. I suddenly felt my world move and I came crashing down onto the hard ground. I turned around to see a big fat tree root sticking out of the ground. Is this revenge for laughing at my dear brother? I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks as the pain ripped through my body. My knees were badly scarped and the blood was pouring down from the open wound filled with dirt and small rocks.

  “Sweetheart; are you all right?”  I looked up to see mom bending over me with a worried expression on her face. She dropped on her knees next to me and pulled me into a comforting hug. I gave in and cried out while hugging my mother for support. It hurt. She hugged me tight and suddenly my tears just stopped and I could hear myself laughing. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy, but I did not mind. They clearly did not see the joke in all of this. The joke in life.

  “The trees mommy, they are mad at me so they tripped me.” I said as if it explained everything. Mom let me go in shock, not quite sure what to do while I jumped up and tackled Drake to the ground. I won!

  “I got you!” I said and jumped out of his way before he could react. I ran. Now it is my turn to be caught. I turned around to see all the faces of the people I love chase after me. They were trying to catch me. I smiled.

***

I took him an hour to return to the waiting room. I knew this because my eyes never trailed away from the big while clock hanging on the wall above the reception desk. Drake, now twenty one years old, returned to me with a mask on his face. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to hide his pain from me, but I knew pain to well. I lived with pain for all my years. I will not change now. The glassy look in his eyes told stories. He has been crying the whole night and I could not blame me. Yet, some feelings fell between the cracks of his mask he wore. I could see the anger. I understood his anger. How could something so horrible happen to our family? We have gone through enough horrors, but it must not have been enough. Today started normal but yet it ended in something straight out of our worst nightmares.

I got home in a rush and found the door half open. I paid it no mind. My head was to dizzy for me to care about anything other than relieving myself from the pain. The alcohol was clearly having his toll on my body. The fight this morning left me annoyed and with only one thing to cure the anger in my body, I had no choice. Drugs and alcohol always helped me solve my problems, they never have failed me. I stop straight into the living room, something was different. Usually when I got home at this time of the day I would find my parents watching some stupid series that I had no time for. The living room was deserted with the television off and the couch empty and cold. It was clear no one has watching anything on that couch for some time. The thought of my parents simply not being home crossed my mind, but some annoying feeling in the back of my head made it impossible to believe it. Usually when no one home, my mom would leave on the radio. She said it gives a person a lovely environment when you come home. It never really bothered me. I ignored the feeling, it was most likely the great amount of drugs and alcohol I have in my system. It was simply just playing tricks with me. I walked to the kitchen, my mind set on my desperate search for something to sate the hunger I got from the drugs. Opening the refrigerator I found leftovers from last night and quickly placed it in the microwave to be heated. While waiting for the food to heat up, I went upstairs. As I passed my parents’ bedroom door the annoying feeling came back to me. I knocked on their door and pressed my ear against the cold door. When no sound met my ears, I simply shrugged. They were mostly likely asleep. They were sleeping a lot these days. I guess the age is catching up to them. Deciding that the annoying feeling is just the drugs, I went to my bathroom and cleaned my face. It is always better to be safe than sorry. If they do wake up and see me like this I would never hear the end of it and I am in no way excited for another fight to break out. No matter how angry I made them, they always forgave me. They were under the impression that the little crazy girl that believed that tree can have feelings. I grew up a long time ago and they have yet to accept it.

The beep of the microwave shook me out of my thoughts. I quickly made my way downstairs and after grabbing my food and a glass of juice, I made myself comfortable on the cold couch. I ate happily while smoking a cigarette. After seeing there was nothing on television I simply ate peacefully with my mind as my entertainment. I looked around the room, already bored with myself and my thoughts. My eyes landed on my bag and I sighed. I leaned forward and pulled the bag towards me. Pulling out my Math book I shrugged and started to work out some problems. It took me about ten minutes to finish my homework and once that was done I threw it on the coffee table. Oh how my day has turned out. I was so damn bored that even homework can be seen as some sort of entertainment, but that of course will never last long. Deciding that there was nothing else downstairs for me to do; I went upstairs and knocked on my parents’ bedroom door once again; the annoying feeling never leaving the back of my mind. Should I not be overjoyed with this peace? For once I was left alone without the nagging voice of my mother…and yet, the paranoid feeling that something was wrong never left. I got out my flyleaf shirt and just as I through it on my bed, I noticed a neatly folded letter, with mother’s handwriting. What? Did they go on some honeymoon thing and forgot to tell us? Why write a letter? There is something like cell phone. You know, the thing you never got me for my birthday. I rolled my eyes and ignored the letter, if it was important they would have left a note on the fridge like they always do. I got out some hot clothes and quickly got dress. I’m going out. I need more joints. I can just say that when I read the letter telling me something really stupid I took the time to go out. I sighed and walked out of my bedroom. I stopped once again on my out, at their room. Still no sound. Are they even here? Maybe, I should peak? The paranoia feeling was still with me when I was almost out of the house, I sighed and ran upstairs. I grabbed the letter and walked to the living room. I took another drag and opened the letter.

 Dear my loving daughter, Sapphira

I’m afraid I could not hold it longer.

Me and your Father could not live like this for much longer. Me and your Father killed ourselves, I’m sorry there is no easier way to tell you this. I want to make my final wish, I want you to be careful and to take of yourself. Don’t do anything childish. No more Drugs! Your killing yourself. I always knew. Me and your Father.

I wrote this letter, saying goodbye and I just want you to know me and your father love you and your brother truly much and with time you would forgive us. Don’t go in our room, I’m afraid the picture you will see, will haunt you forever. Take this letter to the neighbour and let him handle it. I’m truly sorry for leaving you so soon.

Love,

Mother and Father.

I remember screaming and running out of the house to the neighbour, before he can even ask what’s wrong I fall in his arms and sobbed. My brother told me after I fell into James, our neighbour, I couldn’t stop shaking and crying. I was in a state, but I got the word ‘letter’ out. After James read the letter he rushed off to the phone and called the police and ambulance. There was nothing they could do, it was to late. I don’t remember much about what happened next, just blue light mixed with red. I saw them bringing stretchers out our house, on the stretchers were my parents. They covered them up, but I could see blood staining the white blanked. My brother was talking to the police, finding out what’s going to happen to us, now. When he returned, I knew there was some news, but if it was good or bad, I couldn’t make out. His face was red from all the crying, he got a letter too, telling him their sorry and how much they love us and how sorry they are. The same old thing. I never needed a joint as I did now. I want to forget. Forget I ever found the letter. Couldn’t I have been right when I thought they were on a second honeymoon? Why kill themselves? W don’t have big problems. There is always food on the table.

  “Hey.” He slumped next to me on the highly uncomfortable chair. His usual brown hair is all messy, it looked like he ran his fingers through it a number of times, which he only does, when there is trouble, something complicated that was left for him to solve. I tried to give him a fake smile, but tears broke and I could feel his strong arms supporting me. He said nothing, I cried and he just sat there and kissed my forehead, holding me like a baby, caressing me.

After what seemed like hours, my tears dried and I could feel myself drifting to sleep. Drake, my brother, said nothing and played with my hair, till my eyes fell closed and I drifted in a peace sleep, forgetting that my parents killed themselves and that Drake probably under a lot of stress is right now. I forgot everything and dreamed, dreamed that there was some right in this world. Dreamed that everything is disappearing.

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Yeah.

You can’t say I didn’t warn you. And yes, it was incredibly traumatic to read through this cringe-fest. I can’t believe I confidently send this to a publisher. Excuse me, I’m just going to go stuff my head into an oven.

And just because I really, REALLY, really want to die from embarrassment. Here is the entire copy. Yes, there is more. And yes, it gets better/worse. My 14-year-old virgin-self wrote sex scenes. Yes. It’s that bad. You’re welcome.

hunted cover

Hunted Book One of the Pain Series (Unedited)

Before I go and hide for a few days, I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has supported me on this journey. I appreciate it.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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PS Here are some fun details that I definitely almost forgot to add to this blog so I’m throwing it in at the end.

Word Count

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails, Writing Corner

The Future Of My Coming Of Age Story: Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails | Writing Corner

Cassandra Meaker

Well hello there! Thank you so much for clicking on my new story. If you’re completely lost please go read this blog — https://fitcouchpotatocom.wordpress.com/2018/08/21/new-story-summary-of-chocolate-chip-cookies-and-pink-nails-writing-corner/ —

You can find the previous chapter here — https://fitcouchpotatocom.wordpress.com/2019/01/06/chocolate-chip-cookies-and-pink-nails-chapter-twenty-writing-corner/ —

The Future Of My Coming Of Age Story: Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails

I can’t believe this story is over. When I started this story I was in a very strange time in my life. I just shared my news about my past and overall I was in a fragile state of mind more than half of the time. While feeling so open and raw, I learned so much about myself. I fought every single day and now, months later, I can say that it was worth it. Every bit of pain that I felt after telling the world I was abused was worth it. Because I was able to move on from that pain. Truly begin to heal. This story helped in ways I can’t even begin to put in words. It’s almost humorous, that as a writer, the words are lost upon me. I started this story because I wanted to write some happy go lucky, rainbow and sunshine story, but as time passed. The story just grew along with me. I realized something very important. Without suffering and pain, there isn’t happiness and bliss. You need the other one as into scale the level of what you’re feeling. Okay, that didn’t make much sense. Like I said, the right words when it comes to this story is lost on me. But it comes down to one thing. I wanted to do more. I wanted to write my story inside my story.

For years now I’ve tried to write my story, my past but I always got so stuck. It was too much. Just after I started this story I stumbled onto a quote and it has stuck with me. “It’s so important to turn your sadness into art. Use every ounce of your pain, don’t let it go to waste.” by Gabbie Hanna. Quite naturally, this story morphed into my outlet. My own way to write about my experiences with certain things without well writing my biography. Some of the themes in this story are inspired by events in my life. It still has its own life don’t get me wrong but a bit of my soul is in this story.

It would be irresponsible of me to not talk about Zack’s suicide in the last chapter. I take suicide very seriously. When I was fifteen, I wanted to commit suicide. I can remember the day I decided to vividly. I don’t think I will ever forget that moment. What I felt. What was going through my head at that moment… I was in English class. It was the middle of the day and it was just another day. Nothing big happened the night before nor was there any big stressor recently. We were reading Shakespeare and I was dozing off. I don’t know where the thought came from but suddenly the thought of going home, drinking his sleeping pills and just letting go popped into my head. It was an overwhelming burst of energy and the sense of relief I felt…looking back now I’m sad. I mourn for that young girl who thought the only way she was going to survive her pain was by ending it all. The rest of the school day I was happy. I was just so happy because I knew when I got home it was all going to be over. I wouldn’t have to fake a smile and hope that things don’t get worse. I got home and went through my normal routine. I made instant noodles and ate it while watching my usual show. I then went upstairs, took off my school clothes and unpacked my school bag. I was just going through the motions really. I climbed on my bed and just stared at the ceiling. I wasn’t really thinking about anything at that moment. I was at peace. My phone beeped and it was a message from my dad. It was just another one of those jokes or things that he still sends through. At that moment I kind of snapped out of the haze. I took me years to place those feelings that I felt in that moment into words. It was anger. I don’t know who I was angry at but the will to fight boiled my blood and I refused to ever allow myself to think that killing myself would make everything better. I refused to give in. I saw that the act of my suicide would allow the man who abused me to win and I couldn’t allow that. Over my dead body will I allow this man to win. Things didn’t magically get better after that moment. It got worst. So much worst. The thought occurred to me on my weaker moments but I continued to fight. I fought because I knew eventually things will get better. Eventually, I will find a life worth living for. A life that made all that pain worth it. I’ve always wanted to talk about suicide, it should be talked about more. With this story, I was finally able to do. Zack’s suicide is only the beginning though. It’s only the end of this story but I planned from the start to have this a three book series. Yes! You heard that right. A THREE book series!

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails is only the FIRST DRAFT of book one. It is short even for short story standards. I’m so very excited to announce that my goal for this new year is to revise, edit and complete the final version for this story with the means to publish it. It won’t be a big publish deal with some big company and suddenly this book is in all the bookstores in the world. Although that is THE dream. It will be an e-book on my website that true fans of this book can purchase. I’m planning to add at least another 80 pages to this story, which is basically double the amount that you see now. I realize there is a lot of events that I just skipped over. There is so much character development needed and well little plot holes that need to be filled. I have a list of things I want to add (nothing big will change) and I wanted to take this moment and ask you, the reader, to please comment down below and let me know what you think is missing. What do you want to see more off? What do you want to know? Do you want to hear more about M as she was growing up? How Daddy Dearest turned gay? There are quite a bit of things I want to go into detail about that I only briefly mentioned throughout the story. Zack’s depression and struggle with alcoholism were very subtle throughout the entire story. It was important to me to not make it too obvious as M (and you the readers) should be completely overthrown by his suicide. There is so much more I can say but I will leave that for the second book.

Thank you so much for all the love and support. I truly hope you enjoyed this little part of my soul. And I hope if anything, you can take my message to heart. Mental health is so fucking important. If you’re struggling, please reach out. If not with family members or friends, then with a therapist. There are so many free online support communities. You’re not alone. I know you feel alone and you’re drowning in the pain, but please. Reach out. I know it’s hard but it’s worth it.

Love,

Cassy

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Update from Future Cassy:

I’ve put all of the chapters of Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails into one downloadable document for you. I lightly and I mean very lightly edited the document. The purpose of this is to make accessing the entirety of this story easier. Before you click on the link to read, please take note of my author note. It’s on the second page of the PDF document but I feel compelled to really stress this.

Author Note

This is the first ever version of this story. It’s completely raw and unedited. There are plot holes, grammar mistakes and overall moments that makes no sense to anyone but me. It’s messy. I fully intend to turn this first draft into something so much bigger but that’s going to take some time. Please note that I’m constantly evolving with my writing. I wrote this book a few months ago and I already think it’s incredibly badly written. Even though I want to stick my head into a little hole and hide from the world at the very thought of people reading this: I’m still so proud of this. I love this story so much. It helped me when I was going through a hard time and for that I’m grateful. You’re more than welcome to read this story and share constructive criticism on it. What do you think is missing? What should I add? What grammar mistake is repeated? Though, threw, thought and etc. I won’t ever know I misuse these words until someone points it out to me. While that being said, I repeat this book is the FIRST DRAFT. It’s very raw and there WILL be grammar mistakes. If you want to point out every single spelling mistake, go right ahead. Just know, I won’t necessarily respond to it. I’m going to start the heavy editing process in August 2019 so hopefully, you will have the final version of this book early 2020. We will have to see how things play out. Thank you so much for the support and I hope you will enjoy this story.

PS This is a coming of age story so it’s a story designed for young adults. I touch on serious subjects in this book.

Now, without further ado…

Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails PDF FIRST DRAFT

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